my mommy

mothers.
you can't live without them.
you can't live with them.
(actually that is applied to almost anything/any person in my life...maybe it's just me*o* i can't live with chocolates:diabetics arghs...can't live without them:see me die!)

anyway, my mom.
i have had countless fights with my mommy.
stupid ones. emo ones. nonsensical ones. rational ones. fierce ones. heartless ones. the worst thing i have ever done was...definately not talking back to her. cause i confirm lose to my brother cukupcukup on this area-_-'' and now that it is the "NEW ERA" according to her. she talks back too!! *GASP*

anyway, the worst thing(that i remember) was her crying terribly while she clings on to me and me staring into the air like some emotionless robot. she cried a whole lot. how long it was, i will never know. it was so bad, that my brother came in to stop the whole thing and gave me a piece of shit that i really deserved at that point.

i don't know what got into me. there my mom was crying and i was doing nothing. i did not react back. i did not bother. i did not care. i did not shed a tear. she was losing her mind and crying like anything.

thinking back, it hurts me now. i feel so ashamed. moms usually never holds on to anything. forgive and forget is probably one of the hardest thing to do and yet they can do it esp. when it comes down to their love ones.

no matter what i do. it will never be enough. if someone were to make a debit and credit account of mom's love, the total will never be balanced. giving will be always more than the receive and by the time everything is brought forward and accumulated, you will realize it has become such a debt that no matter what, you can never replace a mother's love.

it's funny how we always hurt the people we love. it's funny how we do not appreciate the simplest things. it's funny how all their labour of love is sometimes blinded by us.

"maaaaaa, why no meat? you do not love me anymore?"

10 years down the road, i am sure my brother will thank her for giving him an extra 10 years to live.

anyway, i am swaying off the topic again.

for the mommy that fights with me with every tub of ice cream, every slice of cake, moments of who should sek my brother at that point, telling me non stop that she married wrongly (what is she trying to hint here?) counting calories with me(but we end up eating anyway), swapping clothes to wear, spoiling my sandals-_-'', dragging me to countless horror shows, switching off my light so i have no choice but to sleep, giving me leftover cosmetic samples hoping i won't turn into a guy while she does not waste any money-_-'', always inviting herself over to *my* friend's parties, dragging me along to *her* friend's parties, holding you up when you go drunk-_-'', wasting time at the gym by watching ANTM(not working out), going nuts over trinkets in overseas, listening to me complain bout life(and later on the chanting tape to make me complain less, cause i will give the look and stop talking) and...i cannot type anymore cause my fingers are tired.

happy mother's day.

although you always sek didi more!! admit it you kns womannnnnn: p